Monday, March 21, 2011

2nd Crusader's Challenge - Norman Needs a Nudge

For our second Crusader's Challenge, Rachael has posed the following task:
Write a flash fiction story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, "The goldfish bowl teetered" These four words will be included in the word count.
Here is my entry, and it is a children's story of a fantasy nature, so I guess it is in my genre:

Norman Needs a Nudge

The goldfish bowl teetered as Norman swam. He dashed against the side, willing the bowl to topple. It trembled, but would not fall.

Norman slowed, his gills fluttering in agony. He wasn't heavy enough. It was no use. His opportunity, in her frilly pink Princess Cathy dress, would dance away without him.

Then Norman caught sight of a shadow slinking along the wall. Seizing his chance, he swam up until he shot out of the water. As anticipated, Esmerelda swiped her paw through the air. She missed Norman but caught the rim, and the bowl hurtled over the side.

Freedom.

There you have it. I can't wait to go read the other selections.

45 comments:

  1. Cherie ReichMarch 21, 2011 at 2:40 PM

    I love the title of this. Good job!

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  2. Ben LanghinrichsMarch 21, 2011 at 2:44 PM

    Thanks! Glad you liked it.

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  3. AnonymousMarch 21, 2011 at 4:00 PM

    The cat always wins in the end :)
    Great story!

    Nikki

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  4. Carol RiggsMarch 21, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    Ha, what a clever fishie! Goal accomplished. :) Nice take on this.

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  5. MaggieMarch 21, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    Go, Norman, Go! Cute story.

    I had a goldfish that would jump for freedom on occasion. He managed to survive for a year, until that one fateful day... : (

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  6. Tony BensonMarch 21, 2011 at 4:46 PM

    Fabulous - the story from the goldfish's point of veiw. Freedom - Yeah!

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  7. Margo BensonMarch 21, 2011 at 5:19 PM

    Go Norman! This is great - I'd love to read on...

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  8. Ben LanghinrichsMarch 21, 2011 at 5:20 PM

    Thanks, everybody, for all the kinds words. Never fear - I have a feeling Norman will prevail in the end.

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  9. AnonymousMarch 21, 2011 at 5:28 PM

    This was great - really funny! I'm glad Norman will prevail. I can imagine more of his story.

    -Vicki

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  10. Michelle MerrillMarch 21, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    Awesome! I love the freedom of it :)

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  11. AbhishekMarch 21, 2011 at 7:32 PM

    Poor Norman, the fish won!!


    Cool one Mr. Ben Langhinrchs!!!


    with warm regards
    http://becomingprince.blogspot.com

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  12. CherylAnne HamMarch 21, 2011 at 8:12 PM

    Norman's hard work paid off in the end. :) Great job on the challenge. I always wonder if goldfish are happy in their tiny bowls or if they long for something more.

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  13. AnonymousMarch 21, 2011 at 8:39 PM

    Oh, that last line is genius! I love the flow of this story.

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  14. AnonymousMarch 21, 2011 at 9:15 PM

    Go Team Fish!

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  15. CiaraMarch 21, 2011 at 10:04 PM

    Love the title. Great job on the challenge!

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  16. Callie LeuckMarch 21, 2011 at 10:16 PM

    Haha. Made me glance automatically to my own fish to be sure he hadn't succeeded in his freedom jumps.

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  17. Angela ScottMarch 21, 2011 at 10:18 PM

    Very good. I really like this entry. I love the ones where it's from the fish's perspective. Super cute. Well done :)

    ~Angela

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  18. TrishaMarch 21, 2011 at 11:17 PM

    LOL. I love that his name's Norman.

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  19. AnonymousMarch 22, 2011 at 5:26 AM

    Intriguing! I wonder what Norman will do next? :O)

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  20. Cally JacksonMarch 22, 2011 at 6:07 AM

    What an innovative fishy! Hope he gets the gil-gal!

    I've been commenting after you on a lot of these flash fiction pieces, and quite often what I planned to write, you'd already written. Great minds think alike, hey? ;-)

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  21. Deniz BevanMarch 22, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    Love this fish's pov. I'd like to know what happens next, too [g]

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  22. Summer RossMarch 22, 2011 at 11:13 AM

    I hope he doesn't suffocate out of his bowl but am ubber glad the cat didn't get him.

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  23. AnonymousMarch 22, 2011 at 12:01 PM

    I always wonder why the fish leaps for freedom, but there's no denying they do it. Go Norman!

    I like the idea of a goldfish planning strategy - smart fish :D

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  24. Amanda MilnerMarch 22, 2011 at 6:34 PM

    I do hope dear Norman gets everything he wants! Very cute☺

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  25. Crystal CollierMarch 23, 2011 at 12:32 PM

    Fun.

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  26. alberta rossMarch 23, 2011 at 2:14 PM

    clever fish - or is he? has Norman thought this through carefully? - has he considered all the options? is freedom all that it is cracked up to be? a peice with more questions than answers - could keep the philosophers busy for decades!!! nice - liked it

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  27. UnknownMarch 23, 2011 at 2:21 PM

    Success is Norman's! Hope he's a 'cross-that-bridge-when-he-gets-there' type of planner, though. Well done, Ben, as always!

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  28. Sierra GardnerMarch 23, 2011 at 2:32 PM

    I agree with Liz - I love the last line. And I certainly hope Norman survives!

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  29. AkossMarch 23, 2011 at 4:28 PM

    That was light and funny.
    I saw a potential Tom & Jerry scene there. :)

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  30. Donea LeeMarch 23, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    Nice to see this from the fish's pov! :) But, is it really freedom, I wonder? A fish without his bowl...or water? Perhaps it is to a fish in a small bowl...hmm. Nicely done, Ben!

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  31. Denise Covey March 23, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    Hi there. Great to meet and follow you. Thanks for coming by and reading my story.

    I love this, right from the alliterative title. Great stuff. I guess that's a children's book thing? I love it. I also love that you have 'freedom' as a thems as did I.

    Denise<3

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  32. jkraus8464March 23, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    Great take on the topic. The fish POV is a riot. Love the alliteration in the title. Would love to see it in a picture book format.

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  33. J.C. MartinMarch 23, 2011 at 7:09 PM

    Where will the goldfish go next? Clever fishy! Good work!

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  34. Sarah KetleyMarch 23, 2011 at 8:54 PM

    i loved this one it was awesome,

    well done!!

    sarah

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  35. dolorahMarch 24, 2011 at 2:00 AM

    Brilliant. But is a fish out of water really freedom?

    It would be interesting to see where this story goes :)

    ......dhole

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  36. Charity BradfordMarch 24, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    Haha, way to use the cat to help the fish. I'm hoping Norman is enchanted and won't die out of his bowl. Great job and thanks for sharing!

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  37. Alison Pearce StevensMarch 24, 2011 at 3:51 PM

    Freedom, until he's in the air. Or maybe there's more to him than you've let on?

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  38. Witless ExpositionMarch 25, 2011 at 12:53 PM

    I think there's more to this story. Clever fish, though! I keep wondering about the pink frilly dress. Good job!

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  39. Ben LanghinrichsMarch 25, 2011 at 3:26 PM

    There is certainly more to the story. Norman's got a plan, and it doesn't include flopping about on the floor.

    Thanks for all the great comments, everybody.

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  40. AnonymousMarch 25, 2011 at 9:26 PM

    Great idea. I loved it. Great job!

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  41. ali crossMarch 26, 2011 at 2:19 AM

    Ha! Awesome Ben! Loved the nifty twist you put on the theme. :)

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  42. Adina WestMarch 26, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    Still trying to work out the identity of this 'opportunity' of his. Is she fish or human, and how will she save him from Esmerelda?

    Loved your names by the way. :-)

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  43. Michelle MerrillMarch 28, 2011 at 1:07 AM

    Hey Ben, just wanted to let you know that you've been shortlisted as one of the top 5 in the judging round! Congratulations :)

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  44. Ben LanghinrichsMarch 28, 2011 at 11:01 AM

    @Michelle - Very cool. There are so many great flash stories, it is an honor to be shortlisted.

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  45. Holly VanceMarch 30, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    Second one that I've read that features a fish fighting for freedom . . . and a cat foiling it. Makes my ID picture perfect.

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